Too Soon
by Songstone
Summary: How soon is too soon to tell him? Hidan has to wonder that question everyday as he watches Deidara crumble under all the pain that Sasori's death burdened him with. -HiDei. Onesided, unfortunately-


**Too Soon**

**A story by Songstone**

**Songstone: My first _actual_ HiDei fic. -evenifitsalittleonesided- 8D;; I've been wanting to do one for a long time, and I finally got around to it. Enjoy!  
**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.  
**

_It's too soon._

- - -

Hidan wasn't sure how to react the first time that Deidara had crumpled into full blown hysterics just a month after Sasori's death.

Instead of becoming enraged when he was told about Tobi's recruitment into the Akatsuki and his replacement of Sasori, Deidara had snorted as if amused. He didn't protest; he didn't cry.

Deidara just stood rooted in the same spot in front of the large statue where they had all gathered to seal the Sand Jinchuuriki not that long ago.

He and Pein stared one another down.

Then, Deidara began to laugh.

Hidan had quirked a brow when the soft chuckles became loud, bellowing laughter. That wasn't the reaction he, nor any of the other members, had been expecting. He was taken aback more when that laughter turned into screams so shrill and high that he feared the acoustics in the cave were enough to burst his eardrums.

The blond clawed at his stomach, his neck, his face and his hair as he laughed; his visible eye was wide, unseeing, and, as far as Hidan could see, dilated. He had a broad, wild grin spread across his face, and perspiration had broken out across his thin brow.

Even with such a reaction, Deidara didn't seem amused in the slightest. He appeared in pain, and this only confused Hidan further as he watched the display.

Pein was, perhaps, the only one unruffled by the outburst. He stood his ground and just watched Deidara coldly, his Rinnengan settled completely on the bomber as he waited out the hysterical scene without so much as batting an eyelash.

Deidara eventually stopped shrieking at the top of his lungs and settled into a low giggling that came from the back of his throat. He bent at the knees and held his stomach with both arms as if he were holding himself together. Then, without warning, the bomber collapsed onto all fours and pressed his forehead into the earth while he continued to hug himself around the waist.

The giggling died off. Deidara drew a shaky breath, held it, and once he'd released it again, his body went lax and he was silent.

Hidan would never admit he felt it, but a shiver worked its way up his spine as he saw perhaps the only person in Akatsuki he had ever considered a friend stumble and shatter to peices right in front of him.

In that one instant, Hidan had both feared and denounced Deidara with every fiber of his being.

- - -

_Three months is still too soon, dammit._

- - -

Deidara was screaming again. The blond made a habit of shouting at Tobi at the top of his lungs whenever the masked man did something that wasn't to his liking; apparently he had been pushed just a little too far since that hysterical sound was back in his voice as he ordered Tobi out of his room.

Hidan was content to leave Deidara to blow off steam his own way as he walked down the hall and passed the bomber's door. But that was before Tobi came flying out from within the bomber's chamber and slammed into the Jashinist, knocking him to the floor.

"Get _out_, you little shit! I _hate you_, yeah!" Deidara was in the doorway, glaring daggers down at Tobi as the man scrambled up to his feet (stepping all over Hidan in the process) and scampered off.

"Fuckin' A..." Hidan hissed in pain, rubbing his head. He was about to shout at whomever would listen that you should be more careful and not crash into people like that, but the complaint died off before it reached his lips. A soft mumbling filled the air instead.

Hidan stopped his attempts to get back on his feet as he glanced up and saw Deidara; the bomber was leaned against the side of the door, stuck half-way out and half-way inside of his room. His hands were palm-up in front of himself, and he was flexing his fingers like he wanted to make a fist and punch something, but couldn't decide whether or not to do it.

"I hate you...hate you...why won't you leave? I hate you...I hate you so much, so much, so much, oh God, _I hate you so much, yeah_..."

Blue eyes were focused intently on the ground directly in front of Hidan's feet where Tobi had once been occupying space; the blue orbs were wide and hazy, seemingly completely unseeing to the world. Hidan remembered those eyes from when Tobi was first assigned as his new partner. Those eyes gave him shivers when he looked into them. It was like it wasn't even Deidara anymore.

"Deidara-chan..." The Jashinist began slowly. He propped himself up on one knee, but otherwise made no other move to straighten up. He stayed absolutely still; as if Deidara were a predator and if Hidan remained still, the other wouldn't charge at him.

The bomber's legs shook as he bent at the waist, and then they collapsed in on him, and he landed on his knees with a heavy 'thud'. His head was bowed, and his hands flew to his chest and he clawed meekly at the fabric of his shirt. He clutched onto the garment tightly once he'd gotten a good grip, and he inhaled a deep breath.

For a moment, Hidan was concerned that Deidara was going to scream. And given how loud Deidara could be when he wanted to, the Jashinist didn't want that at all. He braced himself, but nothing came. The bomber held onto that deep breath for a long while, and when he finally let it out, the only sound that left him was a soft hum. It sounded melancholy.

"Oi...' Hidan spoke up again. Deidara didn't even lift his head to see who had spoken. He continued to hold onto his shirt and stare straight down at his knees. "Oi...I'm talkin' to you..." Hidan began again when after a few more moments Deidara hadn't answered. "Oi. Deidara-chan." The white haired man made an irritated noise at being ignored, and he shouted across the short distance between himself and the bomber. "Oi! I'm talkin' to you, bimbo!"

Silence filled the corridor they were both knelt in, and Hidan just glared across at the blond, waiting for him to react.

"...Hidan...?" Deidara finally found his voice. He didn't look up, but he seemed to be a bit more coherent all of a sudden.

"Stupid..." Hidan snorted. "'Course it's me. Now get the fuck up off the floor, would you?" Hidan rolled his eyes as he pushed himself up the rest of the way and dusted off his back end. Inwardly, though, he was glad to hear Deidara's normal voice again. Glad to have him speaking to him at all. Ever since Sasori died, the bomber had been so distant, and not just from Hidan, but from everyone.

Not that Hidan could blame him. He had always suspected that Sasori and Deidara's partnership went deeper than just missions and art. This just proved it. Why else would Deidara have been so upset after the puppeteer's death?

"Hidan...I..." Deidara started softly. He lowered his hands from his chest, laying them both palm-up in his lap. "I..."

"Speak up, would you, blondie?" Hidan sighed, irritated all over again but keeping himself restrained. "And I said get off the floor."

"I don't know why, yeah...I don't know why it..."

"Eh? Deidara-chan, _speak up_."

The bomber lapsed back into a bout of silence then, and his hair swayed from side to side as he moved his head a bit. He moved his arms, sliding them around his waist and clutching himself as tightly as he could. He didn't move again after that. He just sat there, either oblivious to Hidan once more or just ignoring him.

Hidan didn't know why he was so bothered over this. If Deidara wanted to keep to himself, so what? It wasn't his problem to deal with.

But this wasn't just another Akatsuki member that Hidan could so easily leave alone. This was _Deidara_. Hidan's little Deidara-chan. His friend; best friend. And he wasn't well in the head right now, and it was, to be blatantly honest, really fucking creepy.

So, instead of retreating to another part of the half-way house they had set up in the Tea country, Hidan heaved a heavy sigh and knelt back down on the floor. He was in front of Deidara this time; closer than he had been just moments ago. He lowered his head to try and peer beyond the curtain of blond hair that concealed the bomber's face. Once more, Deidara didn't react.

"Deidara-chan?" He asked.

"It still hurts..."

Well, Hidan hadn't been expecting an answer so quickly, and he pulled his head back a bit in minute surprise. Still, he stuck around and leaned back in a bit, reaching up with one hand and shoving aside some stray blond hair so that he could get a look at Deidara's face.

"What hurts?" The Jashinist heard himself ask.

At that, Deidara lifted his head. He disregarded Hidan's invading hand, which was still caught in the blond mess of his hair. His blue eye was no longer crazed; it was clear, if just a bit duller in shine than usual. His entire face seemed less...vibrant, actually.

The Jashinist pulled his hand back down to his side as Deidara spoke up again.

"Everything...it's all one big ache. I can't eat...can't sleep...I can't even sculpt anymore, yeah. And I don't know why... I mean, when my own _mother_ died, it didn't bother me at all. I didn't care, yeah. But I care now. I care that Master Sasori is dead. And I care that because he's dead, Tobi is replacing him. There's nothing I can do about anything, yeah."

Those words, and how they were spoken, sent quick shivers up Hidan's spine. The whole speech was monotonous, and Deidara's face was an unusual mask of indifference. He was just staring across the small reach between himself and Hidan, his dull blue eyes locked with the opposing purple ones.

Hidan wasn't really surprised at hearing this, however. He had known deep down that Sasori was the cause of this change Deidara was going through.

That bastard.

"I know." Was all Hidan could offer as condolences. He wans't the comforting type of guy, but he was making an effort, and that much was obvious since in any other predicament with any other poor soul he would have given the 'walk it off' suggestion.

"When will it stop _hurting_ so much, yeah?" Deidara's throat moved as he took a heavy swallow. He blinked across at Hidan, his eyes wider now, though not in any sort of horrified or amazed manner. They were just wide because Deidara held them open wide.

There was water brimming at the corner of the bomber's visible eye. Hidan cringed as it leaked out from the side and skidded down the side of Deidara's face, leaving a trail across the smooth skin.

Deidara didn't blink. He didn't try to hide the tears at all as they practically flew down from his eye in waves; Hidan didn't even think Deidara knew they were there.

The tears dribbled off his the bomber's chin, or his nose, and landed on his lap where they left stains on his slacks. He still made no move to wipe them all away.

- - -

_Oh yes, three months is way too soon...But I can't wait forever._

- - -

Not entirely sure when it happened, Hidan now had Deidara wrapped up in both of his arms; it wasn't a gentle embrace by any means. He simply put both arms around the bomber's shoulders and yanked him against his chest roughly. Deidara's cheekbone met with the Jashinist's shoulder none-too-nicely, but the blond didn't offer a complaint.

There was a wet feeling squirming over his skin now, and Hidan 'tsk'ed at the tears he saw still running free from Deidara's open eye when he chanced a peek down at the other male. He left it be, though.

Hidan lay one of his hands on the back of Deidara's head, keeping the side of the blond's face pressed securely into the crook of his neck now. His other hand found Deidara's hip and he settled it down there, holding securely onto the fabric of the bomber's clothes and feeling the sharp hipbone that was protruding the skin.

Deidara didn't sob. He didn't cling to Hidan and wail in dispair, or pent-up frustration. Deidara simply...leaned against the Jashinist. And he only stayed that way because he was forced to; though, he made no attempt to free himself from this hold, either.

Deidara's eyes still produced fresh waves of water relentlessly, though he made no sound as they escaped and trickled down his face.

The Jashinist didn't complain as the warm droplets fell against his skin. He didn't speak. For once he was absolutely still and silent, just keeping Deidara pressed against his body roughly, fingers tangling with the blond hair whenever he moved his hand in the slightest way...

Hidan wasn't sure how long the two of them sat there in the middle of the hallway--where everyone could see them as they shuffled their way by, this way or that--but he never pushed the blond away.

He _wanted_ to be there. He _wanted_ to hold onto Deidara. He _wanted_ to have the blond pressed so close against his body, soft and hot, and more than anything, Hidan just wanted to remain as such for as long as possible. Forever, if he was lucky enough.

But he knew he wasn't that lucky.

- - -

_How soon is too soon to tell you that I love you, you fucking heretic?_

**Songstone: ...This little monster took me about three days to get done. D: AND I STILL THINK I GOT IT WRONG, AUUUUGGGGHHHH. Oh well. D: I'm proud of it, for the most part. xD I like writing for hysterical scenes. 8D So yeah, comments will be loved for always and forever. 8D **


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